Just when I think no one is reading this blog, someone tells me they were moved to tears by reading this blog this past weekend. Not that it should matter, but I do have a strong desire to connect with others on so many levels. It's not just about sharing information about foraging for me, it's about sharing my heart--my love for Block Island and for the bounty which the island provides--and the role foraging has played in opening my heart to my own personal wounds and the wounds of the earth we have inflicted on her as we have grown disconnected from the simple desires of our bodies to feel loved and safe.
Those of you who know the island know how blown out most of us are by the end of the summer. Granted, I don't work as hard as other people out here, but I am still sensitive to the energy. I don't see it as chance that a hurricane threatened us Labor Day weekend, causing most of the tourists to leave. Though the hurricane did not arrive on the island's shores in full force, the surf was intense and huge making it impossible for me to gather seaweed. I have some great pictures of my normally placid tidepools down at Black Rock covered in whitewater, but can't publish them due to all sorts of technical difficulties with every form of technology I come in contact with these days. Even the chain on my bike broke, so I had to walk for a day until my friend fixed it for me. I heard the ocean's message--take a break, let the seaweed rejuvenate. I struggle with this a lot--making money off something the earth is giving me. Ideally I would like to live without money, simply, bartering with other like-minded folks for our needs. I feel trapped between the world of money and the world of my dreams. It is a very uncomfortable place, but one that is leading me to take a deep look inside myself at the unconscious patterns and beliefs that stop me from living this life that I long for, and this time this is not an intellectual process, I am actually feeling the pain of separation and loss, and though this is a dark place to be in, it doesn't feel desperate like it has in the past. Maybe because someone came up to me last weekend and said my words made them cry. Maybe because a friend and I filled our scarves with so many fallen pears we couldn't even think of all the things we could do with them. Pear tarts, jelly, juice, cake. I'll keep you updated.
There's a deer who forages right outside my window most evenings. She always seems to know when I am looking at her. She never runs away like some deer do. She twitches her ears, somewhat nervous, lets me look at her for as long as I wish. I am always the first to turn away. Maybe I will leave her a pear or two just over the stonewall today.